Poor Kyra just sat and helplessly watched. She often gets angry when he cries, screaming that she can't stand the noise, but even she could see that this was a truly troubled little boy. Regardless of what kind of pain he was enduring - the most painful thing for me to see was that he could not accept any kind of consoling.
I've become accustomed to him pushing away Craig or me when he's angry or throwing a temper tantrum because he didn't get something he wanted - this kind of pushing away I can deal with, but it is very painful for me to watch a child I love not be able to accept my love when he's hurting.
I know this is very common behavior in a child with Liam's history who is not securely attached yet. This not accepting consolation when hurt and simultaneously pushing away loved ones while clinging to them - I've read about it all. And I just keep telling myself to "stay in his face". Building attachment is hard work.
Liam finally calmed down, I rocked him, talked to him and suddenly the screaming started again. Again, he calmed down enough to drink his bottle and then he climbed down from my lap, sat on the family room rug and started happily playing.
Now, somewhere along the line, I had managed to take his wet diaper off in an effort to make him more comfortable, but he refused to let me put on another one. Now, as he sat happily playing on the family room rug --- I saw the light. Or shall I say I smelled it. Liam, who had been diagnosed with giardia, a parasite common in children adopted from China, obviously had been having severe tummy pains preceding a giant diarrhea attack. I scooped the poop, happy that I now knew what was causing his physical pain, but still felt so sad that I couldn't help him while he was hurting. I can only pray that the day will come when he'll trust me enough to hold him no matter what kind of pain he is in.
Liam managed to be a heartbreaker again tonight - but in a good way this time. Just before he fell asleep, he quietly said, "mamma", leaned over and gave me my second sweet Liam kiss.
4 comments:
It's so hard to watch them struggle & have no idea how to fix it. What a sweet boy you have. Hope his parasite is taken care of soon and he feels better!
Oh, I hope that it was the giardia. We still get that sort of pushing screaming wakeup from XX about once a week (naptimes only - nighttime has been another thing altogether as you know!). It's less frequent, thank goodness, because it's so hard to deal with as a mother, but it sounds like Liam is doing great. Just keep loving, he'll love back!
How difficult that was for you. Your understanding of it all is so valuable to this precious boy. Keep loving him. He really needs you. ~Rbbecca
Poor Kim. Poor Liam. Poor Kyra. What hard work you all are doing. Poor Craig, too. But, as your mother, I want you to know, Kim, that you are doing a fantastic job with Liam. I could feel your hurt as I read your post. (I felt some of the hurt at times when Liam would not look at me or acknowledge I was in the room.) How is it that he never had those racking pains before (when I was there?)--parasite not advanced enough? Just keep on being understanding and loving...remember, you expected more "issues" than Kyra had because he was older. Love, LaLa
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