Bedtime

Bedtime is soooo frustrating and just when we go 2 steps forward - something happens and we go 4 steps back. Kyra has always felt slighted that I have been the one getting Liam ready for bed and reading his stories while Daddy does Kyra's night routine. I started laying down with Liam until he fell asleep when he first came home. He was in a crib in our room at that time. Now he's in a big boy bed and I still laid down with him for a long time. When school started and Kyra started seeing me less, she decided she'd had enough of Daddy doing all the bed time routine. We started working on Liam letting Daddy read him stories. Liam will sometimes and sometimes he'll let Daddy brush his teeth. Then Kyra wanted to know why I laid down with Liam and not her. So I worked my way into the rocking chair in Liam's room and then to sitting in the hall between Liam and Kyra's room. When Liam got sick, he started wanting me to lay down with him again. Now I'm trying to work my way back to the hall, because Kyra is having a fit. I'm in the rocking chair tonight, on my way back to the hall.

My mom is here and I know she thinks I'm crazy and why don't I just tell them to go to bed and cry themselves to sleep. I'm sure many people reading this are wondering the same thing. Well, truthfully, I always wonder the same thing myself. I'm wondering if Kyra needs me in the hall because she's jealous or if she's really feeling more insecure now that she's away from me longer during the day. So, I go back to the books. I start reading about the trauma that my kids have been through and how the night time brings back a lot of fears for many of them. And then I become afraid of doing the wrong thing and making their trauma even worse. All I can really tell you is that this journey of parenting traumatized children is like riding a roller coaster. It straightens out and is smooth for awhile, and then suddenly it's a wild, out of control ride, and I just want to scream my head off. I know from everything I've read that this roller coaster isn't going to end any time soon. Every time a traumatized child goes through a developmental milestone, any type of transition, or even mildly overstimulating experience - the ride can get bumpy and feel out of control. Everytime our abandoned children reach the next level of understanding their own adoption story, they're going to respond to it differently. And every night, until they're ready, can be filled with the same fear and insecurity they felt the night they lay alone, in their box or basket on whatever street corner, door step, field or maketplace they were abandoned in. The security to fall asleep alone and sleep through the night comes at different times for different adopted children, but I've made a commitment - whether it's right or wrong - to stay by my children until they can fall asleep and sleep through the night on their own. Just please Dear Lord, help me have the strength and patience to do it - to give my children what they need and to have the confidence to know that I'm doing the right thing.

Highs and Lows

Highs and lows, up and downs. That's been the pattern in our house for the past month and a half. One low has been how often I blog now. I've been sending picture galleries out to family which is really easy with the Mac program I joined - just a couple clicks. Then I don't feel the urgency to blog and let everyone know what we're doing. Of course, pictures usually only show all the highs -- not so much the lows.

Kyra has been having her own highs and lows since the beginning of October. For about a week and a half in the beginning of October, Kyra had daily rages. Every evening, there was a total out of control period for Kyra where she would completely lose it. Hitting, throwing, biting, spitting -- all directed at me. I couldn't figure it out. I asked her teacher if they had been doing any testing at school, anything stressful -- no, reading testing had been done the week before.

I had been stressed over an unrelated family situation and wondered if she was feeling my stress. After a week and a half, the rages ended as quickly as they started. And then as I was reading the book, Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child, it said that some kids who have what they refer to as "stress shaped brains" (which is definitely Kyra), can regress even when learning to read! As I thought about it, reading began to click for Kyra about the same time the rages ended. Could it be? I'm sure I'll never know for sure. Kyra is as glad as I am for that extra low period to be over. She still has periodic rages in the evening - and they make her as sad as they do me. Hopefully, one day they'll end for good. We keep testing, assessing, evaluating, trying different approaches and praying.

A high for me was planning Kyra's birthday party. She chose mermaids and I promised myself I'd keep it simple this year. But the ideas just kept coming! I LOVE the planning part - it's just that I need a staff to carry it through! I had a lot of ideas that just didn't happen, but overall, the party was a success and the kids had a great time.

The biggest challenge was making 11 mermaid tails since I can't even sew a button on. Once I figured out a pattern and got the hang of fabric glue - we were good to go. A low point was figuring out that something as simple as standing at my kitchen island for 2 hours and cutting and gluing fabric is not something you can do if you have arthritis in your neck and thumb joints. This was a rude awakening for me that my body is actually not as young as my brain feels! Several days and massages later, I was on the go again - spacing out the mermaid tail making over days instead of hours. They ended up being worth every minute and painful joint -- the girls loved them!!!

Of course, the 2 boys, Sean and Liam, wouldn't want to be mermaids, or even mermen, so I worked 2 pirates into the party theme!
Kyra wanted Daddy to be Scuttle from The Little Mermaid movie. It was a high point for everyone, including Daddy!
It's hard to believe there were 7 candles with 1 to grow on. It seems like just yesterday there were only 2 candles on Kyra's cake.
A high point for Liam was being Balloon Boy. He wanted to fly like the house in the movie "Up". Kyra tied on all the balloons still left at the party after the kids took what they wanted, took him outside, but then the low point came -- Liam still couldn't fly. He loved trying anyway!
A high point for Kyra, and a low point for Liam, was that Kyra got to have 2 more birthday celebrations. One at school and another on her real birthday. Kyra was loving it, but when we woke up the morning of Kyra's birthday and I started singing "Happy Birthday" to Kyra, Liam put his finger over my lips and said, "Shhh... Kyra's birthday is over. " Once we went downstairs and Kyra was so excited over the gift Liam gave Kyra (the Build a Bear balloon that Liam got to "build" inside of the balloon wrap) Liam was in party mode again.

Kyra - my seven year old princess!

Liam has had a very long low period from about the middle of October until now. Liam started with congested sinuses that just wouldn't open up. He couldn't blow anything out, so at night it would drain and he would cough and cough. Between that and the time I was putting into Kyra's 3 celebrations, Liam began to regress. There was baby talk, needing to be carried, even asking for his bottle. During Kyra's party, he was so jealous of the attention she was getting that I had to carry him most of the time and he suddenly had to use the potty right in the middle of the party story. I figured it was a combination of the party, the illness, the lack of sleep - but whatever the reason, he needed more from mommy to feel better. After 16 days of congestion and coughing, the dr. put him an anti-biotic. 5 days later, the dr. added Zyrtec (which we'd already tried but gotten no results from) and a prescription nasal spray. It turns out the poor little guy's nasal passageways were completely swollen shut from either infection or allergies. Almost 4 weeks later, he's finally starting to recover. When he's completely better, we'll start allergy tests and visit an ENT to look at his adenoids. And as Liam's health is heading toward a high....Kyra woke up this morning with her own cold. It seems as though the highs and lows never end. Meanwhile, Liam asks almost every day if it's time to plan his birthday party. : )

Halloween was a high point! On our first time out, we went trick or treating at the Farmers Market. Kyra, my candy lover, anxiously visited every table, but after a few tables, Liam just started saying, "No thank you." No thank you to candy???? Whoever heard of that??? I need to teach him to at least take it for mommy! Kyra wore her bunny outfit to school and walked in her school parade while Liam and I watched. On Halloween, Liam wanted me to dress like a princess because he was a dragon. I happily donned the dress I wore for Kyra's princess party 3 years ago. Craig was supposed to be a king, but Liam had to settle for a repeat of Scuttle. Kyra was our royal bunny.

Another high point lately was a day trip to the Peabody Essex Museum in Salem, MA where never before seen items from the Forbidden City in China are on exhibit for the first time ever!

Kyra and I went with friends on the day they held a Chinese festival. Stories, crafts, music - the girls enjoyed the festival activities far more than the exhibit.

A low point of fall for me is watching all the leaves fall. But for kids - fallen leaves are a highlight! Worrying about ticks is a low point, but do I worry about ticks or let kids enjoy what fall is all about? I opted for fall fun.

Sophie had a definite low today - she had to go to the groomers to get ready for a high point - a visit from LaLa! Yes, Grandma Linda will be here tomorrow and everyone is sooo excited!

Sophie. Such a pretty girl - and she seems to be asking, "Now, why did you need to get that other dog, Sunny?" But that's for another blog....

Enjoy a tour of the birthday party!